Maybe

I thought long and hard about writing this post. Part of me wanted to just let it go. It won’t do me any good to be so riled up by the another article on the internet. If I wrote a reaction post on everything that bothered or angered me online, I would have to quit my job to write and write and write. But as much as I tried to put the matter out of my mind, my thoughts always wandered back to it. Maybe writing about it would be cathartic for me. Maybe publishing this post will make me feel better that at least, there is something out there countering that blog post. Maybe, just maybe, one girl will read this and realize that no one should respect her less because of what she chooses to wear to the beach. Maybe.

This is a reaction to a post that popped up on my Facebook feed. The author listed “3 Main Reasons Why You Must Not Wear A Two-Piece Swimsuit.”

I would just clarify a few things before I actually get into it. I have purposefully tried to keep religion and the Bible out of the discussion because the internet is the scariest place on earth and it doesn’t get any scarier than when religion (and maybe One Direction) is discussed. Second, (because, again, the internet) I will delete any comments that are off-topic or in any way offensive. Disagree with me ALL YOU WANT, but let’s all be civil. Not that I expect a lot or any comments given my tiny readership, but it’s still better to be clear.

For clarity’s sake, I’ll be quoting from the article. And so, *deep breath* here we go.

“You’re so sexy!”, “You’re so da*n hot!”, these two are just some of the phrases, girls really love to hear.

Everyone loves summer so everyone is planning to go to the beach and to make it complete, wearing sexy swimsuits will be the top of the list. Everyone is excited to show their beautiful bodies, take some selfies and post them in (sic) facebook.

If I was complimented on my body and was called “sexy” or “da*n hot” I would, like my mother taught me, smile and say thanks. Well-meaning compliments are always nice. But to imply that compliments about their bodies are what women most want to hear is wrong. To say that to put their bodies on display in swimsuits is the primary reason women go to the beach is judgmental and backwards. And the fact that it’s a woman passing on this judgment on other women is sad and frustrating.

1. To Gain Respect. It is undeniable that when you flaunt your skin, guys can’t take off their eyes from you. Some guys may appreciate you but most guys will be provoked to have a sexual desire on you.

— banksy (@thereaIbanksy) April 8, 2015

If anyone, man or woman, chose not to respect a woman simply because she chose to wear a two-piece swimsuit on the beach, then that person does not know the real meaning of the word “respect.” Their respect is probably not worth having anyway.

2. Your Body Belongs To God. God created us according to His purpose which is to serve Him. Women are not created to be a source of lust, therefore, we must take care of our decency and dignity as a woman.

3. To Help Guys Not To Sin. It should be a win-win situation. As a woman of God, it feels good that guys will not only respect you but at the same time, you are not giving them the reason to fall into temptation or sin.

While the author listed three reasons for not wearing two-piece swimsuits, it actually all boils down to one. She argues that we shouldn’t wear our bikinis to the beach because that would make us objects of lust for men, the reason for them to sin.  I cannot even begin to describe how sad, frustrated, and infuriated this makes me feel.

Are men are so susceptible to lust that the sight of a girl in a bikini results in sexual fantasies and urges? If that were true then no man would be able to properly function on a beach. But somehow, men are walking straight, peddling ice cream/banana boat rides/henna tattoos, playing Frisbee, and having coherent conversation on the shores of Boracay even with all the dozens of ladies in bikinis around them. Maybe they deserve more credit than assuming that exposed abdomen is their undoing.

However, the most damaging implication here, the one that had me literally shaking and teary with rage and sadness, is that women are responsible for ensuring that men do not “fall into temptation or sin.” If a woman who wore a bikini (or, I assume, anything considered “sexy”) is fantasized about, or harassed, or sexually assaulted, it would be her fault as she tempted the men into sin with her exposed legs/tummy/cleavage/back. She is to blame and not the person who catcalled/groped/raped her. A woman wearing revealing clothing is just asking for it.

No wonder there’s a greater tendency to blame rape victims more than victims of robbery. It’s this culture of victim blaming that contributes to the fact that cases of sexual assault and rape go unreported, that victims don’t reach out for much-needed help. As if the turmoil inherent in sexual abuse is not enough, a victim has to live with the thought that somehow, she is to blame, not the person who violated her .

That this line of thinking is, somehow, being linked to the Bible is confusing and hurtful. That Bible verses are being quoted to support the notion that women bring sexual harassment/assault upon themselves is not true to the faith that I know, and it is very, very discouraging to read that so many people share the author’s views. There were, thankfully, a few who didn’t, but the ratios do not bode well.

Maybe the more enlightened ones were better than me at not letting such a misinformed post get to them. Maybe they knew better than to spend their time commenting or, worse, writing a (likely ill-advised) reaction blog post. Maybe they are too busy raising little girls and boys who will respect people, no matter their gender or beach outfits. Maybe they are focused on teaching a class of girls that decency and dignity, in the eyes of God, is more a matter of your actions than your outfits. Maybe they are occupied with empowering women to share their stories of sexual harassment and abuse in order to heal.

Maybe there will come a day when women will no longer be blamed for the actions of others against them. Maybe.