Unsolicited Fashion Advice #2

Kelsey: (sobbing) I didn’t know!

Blair: (practically shrieking) That TIGHTS are NOT PANTS?!?

From Chuck in Real Life : Gossip Girl Season 2, Episode 7

As usual, Blair is right. And her words of wisdom extend to leggings, as well. Whether they’re a cheap pair from Greenhills or jeggings (eeeewwww.) from Topshop or “liquid” leggings straight from Paris Hilton’s closet, one truth prevails: They are NOT pants. To be more precise, they are meant to be worn under something: a dress, a tunic, a sweater dress… Ok, wait. This is not conveying the message I want to get across. Time to be more blunt. So, here goes…

When wearing leggings, ladies, please cover up your lady-bits.

Even SHE can't pull this look off

I don’t give a rat’s tush if you’re as hot as Megan Fox or if your boo-tay is as bodacious as Kim Kardashian’s. The bottom line is, no one, not your friends, your colleagues and definitely not the unfortunate, innocent strangers who pass you in the mall deserve the visual assault brought about by the visible outline of your lady-business against your leggings. I mean, think about it, you’re just Britney Spears with fabric.

No one who isn’t in the pornography industry wants to be that exposed, right? And to be that exposed when you’re actually fully clothed is just totally ridiculous and completely avoidable. Unintentional as it may be, there really is no excuse for this camel toe catastrophe. For one thing, mirrors exist for precisely this reason:  that we don’t leave the house offending every person who meets us on the street with what we’re wearing/showing. For another, the indecent exposure could be remedied by just a few extra inches of fabric on your top.

Take a cue from the lovely Nicole Richie. The top under her blazer is still, for all intents and purposes, a shirt, but it’s long enough to cover what should be covered. Even when she’s preggers and her belly understandably pulls up her top, she still doesn’t expose anything that’s ObGyn territory.

And, bottom line is, camel toe or not, it’s just classier not to expose your constricted nether regions to the world. Besides, with the whole sausage-casing look, you risk not only camel toe, but butt and thigh cellulite exposure as well. And even if you’re as toned as Gisele Bündchen, the look isn’t a particularly good one, unless post-Samantha-Ronson Lyndsay Lohan is your idea of a fashion icon.

So, ladies, please, always wear a top that covers up your, errrrm, lovely lady lumps (I am officially out of euphemisms for that area of the female anatomy), with your leggings. For your sake and the general public’s. However, if you cannot resist the urge to let out your little Jenny Humphrey and MUST wear your leggings as pants, at the very least, please consider this.