Why I think Blair Waldorf and Lady Mary Crawley might be the same person

Ok, obviously, not exactly the same person. But if Blair Waldorf is not some reincarnation of Lady Mary, then she’s probably a descendant of hers. I’d like to think some scandal-stained granddaughter of Lady Mary had to be shipped off to New York to find a husband as no one in England would have her and ended up a Waldorf and Blair’s grandmother. Or something.

And while Julian Fellowes will probably not appreciate my comparing his award-winning Downton Abbey to the now-crappy Gossip Girl, Lady Mary’s and Blair’s lives have too many parallels for me to ignore (oh, and SPOILER ALERT):

They are both cold, scheming b*tches: Let’s get the obvious out of the way, shall we? If there’s anything that these Queen Bees have in common, it’s their icy demeanor and their ability to out-scheme those in the way of their objectives. Yes, Season 5 Blair is waaaaaaaay off her game, but who could forget her legendary take-down of Georgina Sparks who ends up in Russia as a result? The genius of that is only equaled by the way Lady Mary scares off Lady Edith’s ancient suitor from proposing at the garden party.

For these two, wealth and status is everything: These two have been used to a certain lifestyle and distinction and they are hell bent to keep both. Mary was willing to wed ridiculously wealthy and powerful newspaper magnate Carlisle even if the way Carlisle shows he cares was to bribe her maid to spy on her and forcibly kiss her while she was pinned against a wall. Blair, on the other hand, even had a caste system on who got to sit on which steps at the Met while they ate yogurt. Girl has a class system for breakfast time.

They both have annoying, dumb blonds in their lives: Granted, Lady Edith is no Serena Van Der Boobsen, but physical beauty aside, Serena could probably have descended from Edith as well. Both seem to have a thing for older men (S’s boarding school teacher, Lord Strallan for Lady Edith), had inappropriate trysts with married men (Tripp Archibald for S, the farmer for Edith), were duped by con men (the Armie Hammer character for S, Patrick/Peter Gordon for Edith) and both have found themselves outplayed by Lady Mary or Blair in the game of scheming and plotting. Obviously, both are not the brightest crayon in the box. Both Edith and Serena also have love-hate relationships with Mary and Blair respectively, although, admittedly, it’s hate that dominates between the Crawley sisters.

They have soft spots for the help: While both Blair and Mary’s worlds are governed by the strict rules of class which both hold so dearly, they both show kindness and concern for the people “downstairs”, so to speak. Yes, Blair snaps at Dorota at times and Mary was ruthless to Carson when he decided not join her at her prospective new household, but, deep inside, these two would do anything for their faithful and trusted servants. Lady Mary made sure footman William was able to see his mother one last time before she passed and also helped her maid Anna with the whole Mr. Bates fiasco, even secretly letting the two use a guest room for their wedding night. Blair, on the other hand, practically considers Dorota her mother, and the scene between the two of them before Dorota’s wedding (where Blair was maid of honor) is probably one of the most touching in Gossip Girl history. Plus, Dorota is the only person Blair would ever consider going to Queens for, and that’s huge for this UES princess.

Blair has Chuck, Mary has Matthew: And, really, could you think of more cursed pairings in the TV world? At least once, someone in each coupling screwed the other one over money (Blair got pimped out to Uncle Jack for Chuck’s hotel, Matthew & Mary’s engagement was derailed by the prospect of an heir apparent baby brother for Mary). Also, someone in each pair also gave ridiculous, illogical reasons for them to not be together. There was Blair’s ridiculous “pact” with God to marry Printh Louiiiiis in exchange for Chuck’s life and Matthew’s “we killed Lavinia” speech after the funeral. Gosh, these people could be such idiots sometimes. Despite all the pain and stupidity these four people inflict on one another, though, we do know that Chair and M&M are the endgame and, that, if the writers of these shows know what’s good for them, these four will end up together (let’s stop pretending that Dair is even a thing, please). Matthew and Mary seem well on their way to happiness after the snowy proposal in the Christmas special, but as any real fan knows, another fake Patrick Crawley/bout of penis paralysis/Lady Cora pregnancy is probably just around the corner to ruin things. Again.

Those eyes. SO. MUCH. DRAMA: I suppose this has more to do with the actors that play them, rather than the characters themselves. But, really, if ever there was a course on Eye Acting, Leighton Meester and Michelle Dockerty would be teaching them. These two are absolute masters of conveying the most complex emotions with a shift of a glance, the widening of the eyes or the raising of an eyebrow. All this while the rest of their face is doing something completely different. And don’t even get me started on their trademark move: their eyes start to tear up, but they manage to keep it under control until that moment where Chuck/Matthew turn away and a sole teardrop just rolls down their cheek at the right moment. So. Awesome.

If you don’t believe me, then see for yourself. Below are two scenes where Leighton and Michelle (and their eyes) are at their finest (note: both epic scenes are in train stations! More proof!!!!):

Skip ahead to 2:05

 And so there you have it. Almost a thousand words trying to convince you that two TV characters from separate TV shows from different writers from different countries are related. Hahaha. But ridiculousness of this post aside, I love these two characters and the actors who play them (although admittedly, I’ve been loving Blair a lot less lately because S5 Blair is acting like a lobotomized version of the Blair of seasons past). I think they’re brilliantly written (well, Blair WAS). It’s a testament to the writers and to Leighton and Michelle how one minute, I feel like slapping them when they’re being particularly ruthless/shallow and then I feel like hugging them and coming to their rescue the next.

Gosh, I love these crazy, fictional b*tches, whether they are related to each or not. But it would be so awesome if they were, no? And it would explain a lot, including Blair’s taste for fancy headgear.

Please click on the images for their sources

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